"I saw the way he was looking at you, Walter," Alex Krycek said angrily. "And you looked back."
"So what? I'm with you." Walter Skinner told him. "Doggett's a nice guy, and he's sexy, but I want you, Alex. Besides, what about Mulder? He was coming on to you."
"Mulder comes on to everyone. You know he's a slut."
"Well, you didn't discourage him."
"Well," Alex said sarcastically, "you were being so attentive to Doggett, I didn't figure you'd notice."
"Alex, you're behaving like a child."
"I know you are, but what am I?"
"See?" Walter said, his own anger rising.
"Don't push me, Walter."
"I'm not. You're trying to make something out of nothing."
"You know what? I don't need this. I'm out of here."
"Fine. Go off somewhere and sulk. You'll be back."
Alex headed off to a bar to get drunk.
Walter chose to get drunk at home.
Alex was thinking that Walter would drop him in a second for John Doggett. After all, Doggett was a good guy, not bad like Alex had been. And he was kind of cute. Not as cute as John Byers, but that was a whole other story. Anyway, Doggett also had two arms. All in all, a better match for Walter than he was. He figured it was inevitable. So he headed off to find some young twink. He was tired of pushy tops.
Walter was thinking Alex would drop him in a second for Mulder. After all, Mulder was younger and had all his hair; he wasn't old and bald like Walter was. And Mulder was a slut. That was not without its appeal. Alex and Mulder made a much better couple. Walter was amazed it hadn't happened sooner. He headed off to find some young twink. He was tired of pushy bottoms.
Alex walked into the club and zeroed in on a sexy young blond right away. His moved through the crowd to dance with the guy. Eventually, they ended up in the alley behind the club, the blond on his knees in front of Alex.
Walter went to a gay bar. He noticed the young dark haired man immediately. He seemed to gravitate toward Walter. It wasn't long before they were headed to a motel.
The blond had just gotten Alex unzipped when the air around them seemed to shimmer and buzz like an electric current. Suddenly, a tall redhead in a really cool black costume, all leather and spandex, with a giant "A" on the front, stood in front of them. The blond scrambled backwards and held his hands up. Alex looked on in amazement.
"What the - -" Alex said before the masked woman turned and disintegrated the blond with her laser vision. Then she scooped up Alex Krycek, who had fainted for the first time ever, and flew away.
Meanwhile, Walter and his catch for the night were just getting comfortable. Walter was watching him undress when suddenly the door slammed inward, ripped from its hinges. The same masked woman vaporized the twink before he could react. Walter didn't faint. The sexy redhead sighed, then used her eerie ability to cloud men's minds to lull Walter into unconsciousness.
When Walter and Alex woke up, they were in what appeared to be a dungeon. Not that kind, just an underground room, actually a very nice one. Alex immediately went to search for a way out. "Walter, what happened? I thought I dreamed . . ."
"It was no dream." The costumed redhead said as she walked in through a hidden panel.
"Oh my God," Alex breathed. "You're real, aren't you?"
"Yes. You're not going to faint again, are you?"
"Alex," Walter exclaimed. "You fainted? You've seen all kinds of weird stuff, aliens, who knows what else, and you faint over this?"
"I hadn't eaten," Alex protested. "It was low blood sugar."
"Enough!" Their hostess ordered.
Alex gasped as a sudden realization struck him. "You - - you're Amazon, Protector of Slash, aren't you?"
"Fuck," Walter said succinctly.
"Yes, I am."
"Wow. Is it true there are others like you all over the country?" Alex asked.
"Actually, all over the world. My sisters and I are all part of a warrior race dedicated to making the world safe for slash, and the people who practice it. And you two could easily have become straight tonight, or worse. Do you know what those boys were?"
Walter and Alex both gasped this time.
"No!" Walter exclaimed. "Not - - "
"Santorums!" He and Alex said simultaneously.
Amazon nodded. "A danger to Slash kind everywhere. If you had intimate contact with them, it would've been the end of you as a couple. You see, this is what happens when you argue. And act immature," she said with a pointed look at Alex. "Alex, you know Walter loves you. He may have looked at Doggett, but he'll always love you best. And Walter, Alex can't help it about Mulder. As we all know, he is a slut. But that's part of why we love him. Alex would never leave you for Mulder."
Neither looked convinced.
"But you should've seen - -"
"He was all over - -"
"Silence! I will just have to leave you two here until you come to your senses. I'll be back later. I have wrongs to right. And remember: Schmoop is okay. It's all right to tell each other how you feel." And with that, Amazon was gone.
"This is all so surreal," Alex said.
"Yes," Walter agreed.
"Do you think she'll really leave us here until we make up?"
"Yes, I think she will."
"She was hot, huh, Walter?"
"Yeah. Nice costume, too."
"You know, if I wasn't gay . . ."
"Walter, look, I am sorry. I did act immature. It's just . . . the thought of losing you . . . I couldn't bear it. I know I'm not as good as Doggett, but I love you."
"Alex, I said things I shouldn't have, too. I'm a little insecure. Mulder's so much younger and prettier, and when I saw him making a pass at you . . . I love you, too, and I don't want to lose you."
"Walter, don't you know how gorgeous you are?"
"And don't you realize I wouldn't change you? I love you just as you are."
When Amazon came back from her night of slash protecting, she looked in on Walter and Alex. She saw the sweaty tangle of arms and legs, sated smiles on their faces as they slept. She turned around(well, after a few minutes) and went up to bed, smiling serenely, knowing she'd saved yet another slash couple from the awful Santorums.
Title:Amazon Saves the Day
Website: Website: http://www.cruelhaven.org/maddie/index.html
Feedback: Yes, please.
Warnings: This story contains m/m sexual relationship.
Archive: Full House, RatB, DIB, WWOMB. All others, just ask.
Disclaimer: All X-Files characters belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made.
Summary: A masked superhero saves Alex and Walter.
Notes: This is for Amazon, for her birthday. Not nearly as nice as what she gave me, but - - I love you, Amazon. This is just to make you smile.
First Published: July 1, 2003
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