If There Hadn't Been You by Billy Dean
A survivor barely surviving not really sure of his next move
If there hadn't been you where would I be
If there hadn't been you here for me
I made it through times
I never would've made it through
If there hadn't been you
A man filled with hope who finally knows where he belongs
If there hadn't been you on my side
All my dreams would still be dreams
I sit here staring out at the ocean as I wait for Walter to come home. He's shopping for dinner, which we'll both prepare. We share *everything.* He's the greatest thing in my life and I don't take him for granted. We both had a lot of shit to work through to get where we are now. There are times I don't know why he would want a fucked up former assassin like me. Sometimes I still get morose and depressed; but that could just be the Russian in me. Walter helps me through these times. Just as I help him, when he's reminded of Vietnam, or things *he* was forced to do for Spender.
I've had a hard life. It's shaped me in so many ways. The Consortium always taught me to be the best at whatever they gave me to do. That's one lesson I learned well. I thought if I could just give that little extra, do every dirty thing they told me to, I'd be rewarded. It doesn't work that way. Do your best and they ignore you. Fuck up and they punish you in all manner of creative ways. Fuck up bad enough and they put you down. I feel like I wasted so many years, in addition to losing a lot of sleep, my left arm, and all my self respect. While I can't do anything about the sleep or my arm, Walter has helped me learn to respect myself again. We hurt each other a lot in the past. Sometimes I wish I could go back and do it over, the right way. But Walter says even with all the pain, we wouldn't be who we are now without it.
Walter's back, walking towards me across the beach. His hair's a lot grayer now, but I'm getting there myself. He still has that great body. I've put on a little weight; I don't work out like he does. He'll always be beautiful to me. Not just physically, either. Walter's the best person I've ever known. He's fiercely loyal to his friends, and especially to me.
He's taken off his shirt, and is wearing just cut-offs. I feel that familiar stirring start deep inside of me. He does that to me, even after all these years. I take off my shirt and wait for him, wanting to feel his bare skin next to mine. I slide into his arms, and he holds me for a minute, then pulls back to kiss me.
"Alex," he sighs contentedly.
"I missed you, Walter."
"I wasn't gone that long."
"Doesn't matter, I always miss you."
"Swim before dinner?"
We swim out a short distance, then play in the water for a while.
"Ready for dinner now?" Walter asks as we head back up to the house.
I smile lasciviously. "Actually, I want you right now."
He simply smiles back and grabs my hand, pulling me toward the bedroom.
I'm on fire for him when we get there. We strip off our wet shorts and move to the bed, where I lick away the salty drops of water still on his skin. I suck at his neck; he groans and his cock hardens a little more. As he lays there, his intense gaze filled with desire, I worship his body with mine. With my hand and tongue, I touch all the right spots, borne of years of practice and familiarity. Then, in one fluid motion, he's up, I'm down, and his hands and tongue are all over me. Walter hits just the right spots, too, and pretty soon, I'm breathless and sweating. Walter turns on his side in the bed, pulling me to him so I'm in front. He lubes me with his precum, and then he's inside me. No latex between us; not for a long time now. Monogamy does have its rewards. Walter fucks me with a gentle rhythm, reaching around to stroke my weeping cock, easing us toward climax. Afterwards, we hold each other.
As we lie here, I think back to the day we "married". Really, we just stood in front of the friends most precious to us and declared our love. But in my heart, he's my husband. I cried like a baby that day, with happiness and my overwhelming love for him. Looking at him now, so content and sated, I feel my eyes well up again.
In a little while, we'll rouse ourselves to go and fix dinner. For now, I just revel in the feeling of being held by the man I love. Walter's always said we complete each other. That's how I feel when I'm with him - complete.
I think of all the years we've loved each other, and of all the wonderful years we will have, and smile.
Title: If There Hadn't Been You
Feedback: Yes, please!
Warnings: This story contains m/m sexual relationship.
Spoilers: Assume the whole series.
Archive: Let me know where.
Disclaimer: All X-Files characters belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made.
Summary: Walter and Alex, future tense. Alex's POV.
Notes: This is for Audrey's birthday, `cause I know she likes happy endings. Happy Birthday, Audrey!
First Published: March 10, 2003
Back to the Top
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Maddie